Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Technical Support Stories

Tech Support: "Welch Hall computer assistant; may I help you?"
Customer: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
Tech Support: "What sort of trouble?"
Customer: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
Tech Support: "Went away?"
Customer: "They disappeared."
Tech Support: "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
Customer: "Nothing."
Tech Support: "Nothing?"
Customer: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
Tech Support: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"
Customer: "How do I tell?"
Tech Support: "Can you see the C:\> prompt on the screen?"
Customer: "What's a sea-prompt?"
Tech Support: "Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"
Customer: "There isn't any cursor; I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
Tech Support: "Does your monitor have a power indicator?"
Customer: "What's a monitor?"
Tech Support: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"
Customer: "I don't know."
Tech Support: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"

(Rustling and jostling heard in the background.)

Customer: [muffled] "Yes, I think so."
Tech Support: "Great! Follow the cord to the plug and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."
Customer: "Yes, it is."
Tech Support: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."
(Rustle, rustle.)
Customer: [muffled] "Ok, here it is."
Tech Support: "Follow it for me and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."
Customer: [still muffled] "I can't reach."
Tech Support: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"
Customer: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle -- it's because it's dark in here."
Tech Support: "Dark?"
Customer: "Yes -- the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."
Tech Support: "Well, turn on the office light then."
Customer: "I can't."
Tech Support: "No? Why not?"
Customer: "Because there's a power outage."
Tech Support: "A p-!" [AARGH!] angry4 Angry

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