sort of computer stupidities collection...
Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."
Customer: "Ok."
Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?"
Customer: "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'."
(At this point I had to put the caller on hold to tell the rest of the tech support staff
what had happened. I couldn't, however, stop from giggling when I got back to the call.)
Tech Support: "Ok, did you type 'click' with the keyboard?"
Customer: "I have done something dumb, right?"
here's another one....
Customer: "I can't seem to connect to the Internet."
Tech Support: "Ah, right. What operating system are you running?"
Customer: "Netscape."
Tech Support: "No, what version of Windows are you using?"
Customer: "Uhhh...Hewlett Packard?"
Tech Support: "No, Right click on 'My Computer,' and select properties on the menu."
Customer: "Your computer? It's my computer!"
Tech Support: "No sir, I mean the little picture called 'My Computer' on your desktop."
Customer: "I don't see an icon called that on my desktop. I do see one called that on my screen."
Tech Support: "Right, just right click that, and choose Properties from the menu."
Customer: "Right click?"
Tech Support: "Just a moment, sir." (mutes phone) "AAAAAAAARGH."
Want more?
Tech Support: "Sir, Click Start, then Run, and type the letters C, M, and D."
Customer: "Wait a minute, don't run off the end of the earth away from me now. I can only go so fast with this thing."
Tech Support: "Sorry, sir. Did you click Start?"
Customer: "Where is that start button? Oh, here is is. Now what?"
Tech Support: "Um, did you click it?"
Customer: "Dammit, no, do that now?"
Tech Support: "Yes, then click on the word Run."
Customer: "Dammit, slow down!!! Run, run, run, where the hell is run?"
Tech Support: "Should be a the very bottom of the Start Menu that came up on the screen."
Customer: "I already clicked Start. Click it again?"
Tech Support: "No, it should be there in the lower left corner."
Customer: "Hey, I found the word Run. You want that instead?"
Tech Support: "Sure, why not? We'll see if that works. Did you click it?"
Customer: "Yes."
Tech Support: "Ok, type the letters C, M, and then D."
Customer: "Slow down, dammit!! I'm not a programmer!!! I told you I'm only a car dealer!!"
Tech Support: "Sorry, again, sir, what do you have there?"
Customer: "Z."
Tech Support: "No, we need 'C' like 'Charlie.'"
Customer: "C-H-A-R--"
Tech Support: "Not the whole word 'Charlie,' sir, just the 'C,' please."
Customer: "If you don't want a Charlie, why tell me to type it?"
Tech Support: "Um, what's in the box now?"
Customer: "I'm trying to find the eraser here."
Tech Support: "Just hit the backspace key."
Customer: "That just moves it further to the right without typing anything."
Tech Support: "Which backspace key did you press?"
Customer: "The long one in the middle. I pressed it on the back side."
Eventually, we "found" the correct backspace key and got that Z replaced with a C.
Tech Support: "Now that we just have a 'C' there, type an 'M,' like 'Mary,' but just the 'M,' ok?"
Customer. "M-O-K."
Tech Support: "Remember that backspace key?"
Customer: "Yes."
Tech Support: "Press it twice."
Customer: "All right, but it took off the 'O' and 'K' you wanted."
Tech Support: "Never mind that, I'll live. Now type a 'D,' just the letter D."
Customer: "D. Now what?"
Tech Support: "Now press the enter key."
Customer: "E-N-T-E-R."
Tech Support: "Is there anyone else around the lot that is maybe a little more familiar with computers than you are?"
Customer: "Well, my wife uses one at her work and might be a little more familiar. She comes in in an hour. You want to talk to her?"
Tech Support: "Yes, please." 
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
Technical Support Stories
Technical Support Stories
Tech Support: "Welch Hall computer assistant; may I help you?"
Customer: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
Tech Support: "What sort of trouble?"
Customer: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
Tech Support: "Went away?"
Customer: "They disappeared."
Tech Support: "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
Customer: "Nothing."
Tech Support: "Nothing?"
Customer: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
Tech Support: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"
Customer: "How do I tell?"
Tech Support: "Can you see the C:\> prompt on the screen?"
Customer: "What's a sea-prompt?"
Tech Support: "Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"
Customer: "There isn't any cursor; I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
Tech Support: "Does your monitor have a power indicator?"
Customer: "What's a monitor?"
Tech Support: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"
Customer: "I don't know."
Tech Support: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"
(Rustling and jostling heard in the background.)
Customer: [muffled] "Yes, I think so."
Tech Support: "Great! Follow the cord to the plug and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."
Customer: "Yes, it is."
Tech Support: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."
(Rustle, rustle.)
Customer: [muffled] "Ok, here it is."
Tech Support: "Follow it for me and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."
Customer: [still muffled] "I can't reach."
Tech Support: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"
Customer: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle -- it's because it's dark in here."
Tech Support: "Dark?"
Customer: "Yes -- the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."
Tech Support: "Well, turn on the office light then."
Customer: "I can't."
Tech Support: "No? Why not?"
Customer: "Because there's a power outage."
Tech Support: "A p-!" [AARGH!] 
Friday, March 9, 2007
Men and Women Prayer
FEMALE PRAYER
Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man, who's not a creep,
One who's handsome, smart and strong
One who loves to listen long,
One who thinks before he speaks,
One who'll call, not wait for weeks.
I pray he's gainfully employed,
When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
Massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind,
Knows what to answer to "how big is my behind?"
I pray that this man will love me to no end,
And always be my very best friend.
Amen.
MALE PRAYER
I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with great boobs
who owns a liquor store and a bass boat.
This doesn't rhyme and I don't care.
Nick The Dragon Slayer
Once upon a time, and far, far away lived a beautiful Queen with voluptuous breasts. Nick the Dragon slayer knew that the penalty for his desire would be death should he try to touch them.
One day Nick revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Horatio the Physician, who was the King's chief doctor. Horatio the Physician, exclaimed that he could arrange for Nick the Dragon Slayer to satisfy his desire, but it would cost him 1,000 gold coins to arrange it.
Without pause, Nick the Dragon Slayer readily agreed to the scheme. The next day, Horatio the Physician made a batch of itching powder and poured a little bit into the Queen's brassiere while she bathed.
Soon after she dressed, the itching commenced and grew intense. Upon being summoned to the Royal Chambers to address this incident, Horatio the Physician informed the King and Queen that only a special saliva, if applied for four hours, would cure this type of itch, and that tests had shown that only the saliva of Nick the Dragon Slayer would work as the antidote to cure the itch.The King quickly summoned Nick the Dragon Slayer.
Horatio the Physician then slipped Nick the Dragon Slayer the antidote for the itching powder, which he quickly put into his mouth, and for the next four hours, Nick worked passionately on the Queen's voluptuous and magnificent breasts.The Queen's itching was eventually relieved, and Nick the Dragon Slayer left satisfied and touted as a hero.
Upon returning to his chamber, Nick the Dragon Slayer found Horatio the Physician demanding his payment of 1,000 gold coins. With his obsession now satisfied, Nick the Dragon Slayer couldn't have cared less and, knowing that Horatio the Physician could never report this matter to the King, with a laugh just told him to get lost.The next day, Horatio the Physician slipped a massive dose of the same itching powder into the King's underwear. The King immediately summoned Nick the Dragon Slayer...
Drunk Vocabulary
THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
Indubitably
Innovative
Preliminary
Proliferation
Cinnamon
THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
Specificity
British Constitution
Passive-aggressive disorder
Loquacious
Transubstantiate
THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
Thanks, but I don't want to have sex
Nope, no more booze for me
Sorry, but you're not really my type
Good evening officer, isn't it lovely out tonight
Oh, I just couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing.
Jessica Simpson Sex Tape
click here to view video..
Three Guys in a Bed
Three guys stayed at a skiing lodge, but there was only one room with one bed so they shared it. During the night the guy on the left wakes up saying he had a dream where he got a hand job. Incredulously the guy on the right says that he also had a dream where he got a hand job. The guy in the middle says he dreamed he was skiing.
